Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
