did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
