I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
