And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
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