if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Randomize
