I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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