I wannas sexs uuuuu
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
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