someone get that fucking seahorse.
Quick, to the slutcave!
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize