You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
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I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
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You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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