She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
