Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
