Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
