He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I just googled if crying burns calories
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
