I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
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