I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
