I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
