please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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