He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
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