Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
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