i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize