well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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