i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I need to align my fucking chakras
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
