The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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