I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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