I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
