i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
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