took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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