This is not my ceiling
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
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