Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Randomize
