life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
smell my finger.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
