I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
