Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
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