lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
