I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Randomize
