After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
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