Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
