i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
