mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
