I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
