what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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