What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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