I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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