Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Randomize
