I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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