I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I will pee on everything he values.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
