He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Randomize
