In America we eat man semen.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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