I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
My penis needs a shock collar
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
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