Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
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He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
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I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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