Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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