Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
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