my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
you didnt know i had herpes?
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
