I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
