Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
