Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
