Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I hope mine doesn't look like that
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Randomize