Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
