We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
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