actually, I'm a sock model
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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