Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Randomize
