im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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