i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
