U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
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I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
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Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
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