I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
