I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Randomize